i spoke to danielle today on skype. she's had a hard week and it was so good be able to talk to her voice to voice. i so wanted to be at home this week for her, to be able to support her and distract her and be there for her. it's kind of killing me that all these things are happening in the lives of people i love, and that i'm not there to help them through it or to celebrate with them.
don't get me wrong, i love it here. i don't feel rushed like i do in the city, there's always something new to explore, i get to walk to class in sunlight and on tree-lit paths. there's not cement and concrete everywhere i look. but i miss home. i miss what makes home home. in janesville it's driving my truck and grooving to music, not caring what the other drivers think; eating at the diner; cracking up with the girls at a movie or over stupid stories. at camp it's the whole experience, that indescribable something. at school it's megan and andrew and the city itself, the hit of my feet on the sidewalk in time to whatever song is on my ipod. the swaying of a subway car.
i talked to jonah today as well, which was nice, and krystle also. i haven't spoken to andrew for a few days. i miss him.
i keep hearing about all of these good or bad or funny or strange things happening in my friends' lives. it makes me realize just how far from home i am, and how much i love being there for the people in my life, whether i'm entertaining them, listening, giving advice, or just someone to spend time with. i miss being there.
i miss them being there, too.
lying in my bed, i hear the clock tick
and think of you
turning in circles
confusion is nothing new
flashback to warm nights
almost left behind
a suitcase of memories
if you're lost, you can look and you will find me
time after time
if you fall i will catch you, i'll be waiting
time after time
time after time - cyndi lauper