Thursday, February 22, 2007

easy lucky free

today was a quiet day. finally.

i got up at noon, finally able to sleep in for the first time since i've been here. i got ready and called christiana, and we went to get our student i.d.'s. afterwards we ate at this little cafe that's tucked away on campus. it was pretty good, surprisingly.

we came back and spent the afternoon reading magazines and listening to music. it was the first time since we've been here that we haven't really had to go to something or do something or sit through some lecture.

chris went back to her place eventually, and i sat on the couch reading my book. cyrus, a guy we met at orientation a couple days ago, called to invite me(well, both chris and i) to a party, but i said no because we've been out and about every day and night since we got here. i'd had a good, lazy afternoon hanging out and i didn't really want to make the effort.

i kind of had dinner with harry, my roommate- i did dishes while he cooked, and then i had some cereal and read while he ate his steak and mashed potatoes. he's pretty cool, harry. quiet, but he's funny in his way and has a great smile. tom, another roommate of mine, is very very australian. you know it right away when you look at him. but he's nice and very polite, and funny as well. rachel just moved in yesterday, and she's from upstate new york. sweet, but keeps to herself a bit. nothing wrong with that though, i'm usually never out this much.

when we finished dinner harry and i decided to watch a movie. just as we were about to start the ladies man (not really worth seeing unless you are incredibly bored), tom got home from work and sat down to watch with us. we started napoleon dynamite after that, but harry's computer ran out of battery so we decided to call it a night.

i'm still not sure how i feel about being here. don't get me wrong- i absolutely love this city. it's sunny, bright, young, vibrant, and being near the water... i honestly cannot describe how happy it makes me to just to go to circular quay, and that's not even the beach.

on the other hand though, i feel that if i'm not careful i'm in danger of just falling into a routine and doing the same things but in a different place. i know that's not true, because we're going to the beach on sunday and out with gore and possibly liam and liss tomorrow, and there's the zoo here and the aquarium, and tons of museums... i want to go to the blue mountains again, and out on mick's boat. i'm too excited by the harbor and everything there is to do here that i know i won't just stay home all the time like i do a lot in new york, but i'm still not quite at home, and sometimes exploring seems a little daunting. while it's nice not to have the constant go go go of new york, i miss it. i fell smack in love with this city the moment i set foot here last june, but new york is a place that's slowly crept up on me and stolen my heart, much like some of the people in my life. so while i might spend a few nights in missing everyone at home or just reading my book, i know that because i took a chance on this, i'm going to get a lot out of it.

i've learned already that life keeps happening to matter where you are. the same thoughts of do i have enough money for dinner?, the same constant checking of your cell phone in case you missed a call, the same comparing yourself to others.

i want to find some form of peace while i'm here. life as been so full of upheaval the last year, and while there are still many things to be settled, things that maybe won't be settled until i get home even, i'd like to find some kind of balance here, some sense of control. i'm trying to learn not to worry about the future. though i realize it's important to plan and to be prepared, i'm trying to just kind of let things happen the way they will and to adopt the whole no worries attitude that is so prevalent here.

i feel like i'm continually searching. not that there's anything wrong with that- i love new experiences, meeting new people, learning new things. i'm happy about who i am, for the most part. i guess i just need to keep in mind that the unknown is part of life, and that its a big part of why i'm here. i wanted something different, something kind of scary, something that would require me to be brave and to break my routines. i definitely found that, but as for what else i'm searching for, i couldn't tell you beyond the vague feeling that it's always just round the corner and i can never reach it.

guess i'll have to take things one step at a time, starting with stopping to appreciate the way the sun and the wind feel on my face.

No comments: