Tuesday, January 16, 2007

how strange, innocence

i was thinking today about what i was like when i was younger. i don't really remember having much of a sense of who i was or what was going on in my life. i thought about how much i didn't know- about loving, laughing, pain- and how most of the time we don't even recognize that we're learning about ourselves and the people in our lives.

i thought today, and still right now, about who i was a year ago, how i felt, what i thought, how i acted and reacted. and i think about who i am now, and what i've been through in the last year. it's been an interesting one, with a lot of hard lessons. many of which i've had to learn time and time again, and sometimes i realize that i STILL don't know them.

my head is full of thoughts and memories and lyrics to songs. sometimes i feel that though words are soon to be my life's work and have been my hobby for years, i have no idea how to say most of what's in my heart.

part of me longs for when things were simpler, when i could say 'i love you' without hesitation, and make a mistake without fear. when the unknown was not cause for anxiousness, and when the past didn't complicate the present.

then again, i think about how things are now- that 'i love you' seems to have more weight and true emotion behind it, that mistakes are scary but that each one teaches me something about myself. how the unknown is approaching fast and it makes me both anxious and excited, and how the past... the past reminds me that i am on a journey, and not at my destination.

innocence is defined as a lack of guile or corruption; purity. how strange that though most of us think we don't possess it, by definition, we do.

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