Tuesday, June 12, 2007


what an amazing four months. i still can't believe i'm home.

i left a piece of my heart there.


Friday, June 8, 2007

the end... almost.

i just took my last exam. and rocked it. which means i'm officially done with my second year of college, and school for the next few months

and man, does it feel good.

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

urban bites

i had such a blast at the urban bites party. i'm really going to miss that place.

me and angus, one of my very favorite people here

me and bryce

apparently we're incapable of taking normal pictures

Monday, June 4, 2007

all in the family

i talked to mom on skype today, and also to don, chuck, my step-brother, and his wife joanna. mom even brought tucker, my dog, over to wave into the video camera. it was good to see everyone, kinda of crazy to realize i'll see them all in person in a week. i talked to krystle too, which was good, and we laughed a lot and planned a tentative trip to iowa city. depends on sami's schedule though.

i turned in my mythology paper today. whoa. and now i've only got 3 things to go. which is slightly scary. and relieving. and sad.

tonight is the urban bites work party, and i know it's going to be fun. everyone there is really nice and it'll be fun to see them all when they're not working.

i leave a week from today. whoa.

Saturday, June 2, 2007

time takes time, you know

sometimes a year is lavish and profuse, riotous as a gale. sometimes it goes breath by breath by breath, in tiny, tiny sighs. Minutes can be critical, decades without meaning or contour...
anthropology of an american girl

do you ever think about how time has a way of moving at the opposite speed you want it to? how saturday afternoons can take forever or a week can take years when waiting for something. and how when something ominous looms time seems to rush toward it, as if it can't get you there fast enough.

i've been thinking of that lately. i always find myself thinking things like this at the end of something, like the end of semester or of camp, where endings become the beginnings of something else. i've been thinking of how time has no meter, it is not steady. we try to separate it and pinpoint it with seconds and minutes and centuries, but the truth is, time is about perception. it does not matter that a clock ticks regularly, what matters, what impresses, is that we do not.

time today is slow- slow because i've finished the work i needed to do this weekend, slow because i cannot occupy myself, cannot find something to keep my attention. but i know that when it's time for bed i will think, where did today go? how can tomorrow be sunday already? and my mind will race and bring forward like a rolodex the things i need to do before i leave- hand in assignments, takes tests, pack, say goodbye. i cannot tell you where this week as gone. i know i lived it and i remember it, i wrote about it, i was there for every second. but it feels as though it is slipping, like low tide when the waves keep coming in but each time they are farther from you and suddenly you find that they have receded from your hips to your knees to barely reaching two feet in front of you.

when time moves that way it reminds you that goodbyes are inevitable. i told bryce recently that i feel like all i've had in my life for the past few years are goodbyes- leaving janesville, leaving camp, leaving liam in more ways than one, megan not coming back to school in the fall, leaving here, and starting the cycle over again when i get home. maybe that's why i feel time moves so fast, lately, because goodbyes are something i do not look forward to and my days have a way of quickening when i know a parting is coming. a week used to feel so long to me; now i feel as though every day it's sunday and i'm thinking, where did this week go?

maybe time is subject to emotion instead of perception. like how things speed up when you're dreading something. i am not happy about goodbyes. though i'm excited to have everyone i've come to love here together next saturday night for my going away, the reason for it, the fact that it's my going away, makes me incredibly upset. not upset. well, yes, upset, but also unsettled and detached and lonely. i feel as though that night will be one of gently prying up the small roots i have begun to grow here. i know i will leave feeling partially empty.

and i know that i will be happy to be home, that i will probably cry and if not that then i will be smiling from ear to ear. i'm so excited to see dad and sandy and elise the night i get back, to see mom the next day and hopefully sami and krystle and danielle that day as well. to have a girl's night. to see john and meet bonkosi. and to get back to new york and see andrew... it will be good. i will be happy. but soon after that i will leave for camp, and it will be more goodbyes and more hellos, and more goodbyes after two months.

time... time is always getting away from me.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

who would have thought

i met liam at manning yesterday. we talked about a lot of things and it was revealing and relieving and nice. i think we've finally started to get back to where we can laugh and talk and hang out without everything that happened between us being so close under the surface and continually threatening us, without our friendship being so tenuous. i guess it's not a friendship if it's tenuous though, is it... it's starting to be one now. it's nice. hopefully it lasts.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

it's really happening

i've just booked my farewell party at the marly bar. good because i can finally tell people its happening for sure, bad because it means i'm actually leaving. the fact that the party is a week from saturday does not help. too soon. i kind of can't believe that i'm actually going to leave.

that said, i'm ignoring my sadness about leaving by making about a zillion flashcards for mythology, writing 2 papers, doing a ton of research, and studying for my history test. my brain kind of hurts.

Sunday, May 27, 2007

home vs here

things that excite me about coming home:
i get to go to iowa and see everyone before i go to camp.
- i get to spend a few days in the city and see a few people.
- family dinner the night i get home.
- diner food.
- getting my hair cut.
- camp.
- finally being done with school.
- being in buildings with heating and air conditioning.
- my stereo.
- getting to use my razr again. thank. god.
- wearing dresses and skirts.
- playing a lot of guitar.
- american cheese.
- putting my clothes through a washer and dryer instead of doing them by hand.

things that do not excite me about leaving:
saying goodbye. i hate it. more than anything in the world.
- leaving this place where i've put down roots, made friends, and feel at home.
- knowing that it's going to be a very long time until i see these people again, if ever.
- not getting to wear my sweaters.
- no more aussie accents.
- no more living 20 minutes from the ocean.
- no more here.
- goodbyes.

Friday, May 25, 2007

eight ball, corner pocket

i'm swiftly becoming obsessed with pool. i wonder if there are any places i can play in the city even though i'm under age for 6 more months. i should check that out.

chris and i played a few games tonight, and i beat her twice. bryce is a good teacher. now that i can actually sink shots fairly regularly i keep asking everyone if they want to go play. some day, some day i will be able to beat dad. some day.

i have a little over two weeks left. i'm a little freaked out by that, but strangely content. i feel... ready to go. i don't want to, i'm not glad to leave, but, i've made my peace with it and am starting to get excited about seeing everyone. and getting my hair cut. and driving. and being warm...er.

funny how things work out like that- how sometimes you're just ready. it just lines up. and then you aim, and make the shot.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

i'm gonna miss this place

i stopped into urban bites today to get a chai, and all of my favorite people were working except for bryce and my friend angus, who were both at class. i love going into urban- it's like the diner, everyone knows me there, they know what i like to get to eat and drink, they joke around with me and always make me feel welcome. sometimes i think they like me more than bryce :)

anthony, one of the owners, and pag, who makes amazing coffees, were giving me a bunch of crap about bryce having been in with some other girl but that really they were giving me crap because they were jealous he had someone so great. i was laughing my butt off at all the jokes they were cracking, and when they asked how long i have left(which is less than 4 weeks now, scary), they both seemed stunned and said they'd be sure to take care of him for me.

it's little things like this that give you roots, that help you feel at home in a place. it is my diner here, my favorite place to eat and the one where everyone knows me. angus always has a smile and a kiss for me when i come in, and the rest of the boys are always making me laugh while i wait for my chai. i'm going to miss it when i go home. even though i'm going back to the real diner, there's something about this place. i'll definitely be leaving a bit of my heart behind, at a table in the sun in the courtyard.

Monday, May 21, 2007

like i said, it's the little things...

i just found out that my art paper isn't due until friday, when for some reason i had thought it was due wednesday.

now that makes me happy.

Sunday, May 20, 2007

and then i scratched the 8 ball...

after spending most of the afternoon writing my art history paper like a good girl, i went with chris, bryce, and his friend jake to play pool the marly bar, which is just up the street. i don't remember ever actually being taught how to play pool, i mean i know the basics but no one's ever really showed me how to be good. so i think i'm going to ask bryce to show me so that way i can come home and play everyone at aunt susan's at christmas. or maybe it'll be a new relaxing past time in new york, who knows. but i do want to be better 'cause currently it's pretty embarrassing.

i leave in 4 weeks. too long or too short. i can't make up my mind. both.

standing just outside
the circle of light
avoiding the pool cues
watching the game
waiting for you
hanging in the doorway
like smoke
like mistletoe
this is where I'll be
whenever you come or go

circle of light - ani difranco

Saturday, May 19, 2007

i'm coming home

i got my exam moved. i'm coming home june 11. oh my god. that's in 4 weeks and 2 days. that's really soon. i don't know if i can do it. i mean i want to but, i guess i thought it was a lot farther away.

i might not see brett when i go home. completely heartbreaking, i really had my soul set on seeing him. but he'll be in ga and i'll be all over the place, so, guess not... i get to go home to iowa for a week which is great- otherwise i wouldn't have seen people there for 6 months before i got back, which is longer than i've ever been away from any of them. i get to see john there, which is awesome. and i'm going to spend a few days in ny before camp which i'm very excited about- maybe i'll see if andrew wants to go see marybeth or if he wants me to go with him to get his car in maryland. who knows. he gets home june 16 or 17, so it's perfect timing. i told him to stick around so i could see him before camp. yay.

bryce and i went to the open-air market in glebe today, and i finally found the perfect silver ring that i've been looking for. i'm pretty excited about it.

i saw zodiac last night. whoa. i haven't been that into a movie since i saw the departed. it's good. very good. bryce and i have been coming up with all these theories about the killer(because the mystery is still unsolved), which has been fun.

it's getting down to it as well- big art paper due wednesday which i did an incredible(if i do say so myself) job of laying out and organizing in order to make an outline and keep my ideas straight. after that it's a mythology paper, a shakespeare paper, and studying for two tests. fun.

also i got asked to play a part in the shakespeare scene next week, which is fairly big and the only girl so i'm pretty excited. yaaaaaay.

ok ok so this is badly written and i apologize, but i figure, it's an update, right? right. weird to think that there are probably not that many more of these to come because i'm going home soon, and i'm going to end it then. sad. maybe i'll start a regular one.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

the littlest things...

chai lattes from urban bites. heaven.

history essay - done and handed in.

art essay - on the way to being done.

stranger than fiction. surprisingly good and ooooh, maggie gyllenhaal.

the number 23 with chris, bryce, and jason tomorrow night. yay jason, i heart him.

my blisters finally healed so now i can wear my teal flats. i've accumulated a lot of shoes here. and that is awesome.

i'm wearing andrew's sweatshirt.

...are what make you happy.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007


bryce and i went to the museum of contemporary art yesterday, and i've got to say that i wasn't that impressed. i mean, i like modern art, but, it's not that hard to take a photograph of a sad or serious person. that said, there were other types of photographs by the same artist, but i feel like it's when an artist captures the essence of something - or someone - that they've got something special. i realize also that sometimes the essence is depressing, but, there's more to life than that, and i wish they had shown it.

it's getting down to the wire- i've got 2 big papers due tomorrow and a week from tomorrow, and a big paper and 2 finals 2 weeks after that. whoa. i'm also talking with my professor about taking my history exam early, because otherwise i'd be sitting here for like 2 weeks with absolutely nothing to do when i could be home seeing people and getting to camp on time. i had to call him about it today but he wasn't there, so i left him my number and hopefully he'll call back soon.

also my new ipod is ready, but i haven't been able to get a hold of the apple store yet to have them send me my proof of purchase for the applecare i bought last year. gaaaah.... that means like a midnight phone call to ny tonight. awesome.

so much to do, so little time. how cliche but how true.

Saturday, May 12, 2007

not too shabby

so i've recently discovered that i got a distinction on my art paper, which is like an A- or B+ in the states. and yesterday i found out i got a high distinction on the shakepeare scene i directed, which is a solid A.

guess a different country is just what i needed to put my mind to the test.

also i've been generally having a blast.

i just want to say to my moms- happy mother's day, suze and sandy.

Sunday, May 6, 2007

may 5

chris and i went out last night with jason, the guy she's seeing, and his friend joe. we went to their friend's house for pizza first, and then to opera bar because jason had never been there and it's my and chris' favorite place in the city. we had a great time- i can see why she's so infatuated with jason, he's really great and hopefully continues to be so. joe is very nice and articulate and the four of us had almost constant conversation.

chris and i decided today that we wanted to live these last two months to the fullest- we've both got huge assessments in the next couple weeks but after that have a break, so we decided that we're going to make sure that we catch up with all of our friends and take every opportunity to have fun. awesome.

our new favorite inside joke

Saturday, May 5, 2007

i got a distinction on my art paper. that's pretty much like an A. only 10 people got them in all my tutor's classes, and only 2 people got the higher mark. awesome.

Thursday, May 3, 2007


ok so it's been forever and forgive me but i've been a busy girl.

i have 2 papers due in 2.5 weeks. i'm directing a scene of shakespeare tomorrow which is a fairly big part of my grade for that class and i've been meeting with my partner, monty, a fair bit in order to get it settled. i went to the art gallery of new south wales today and fell in love. i saw spiderman 3. i've been memorizing like a madwoman for my mythology quizzes. i had a really good conversation with my art ta. i know there's more but i can't think of it at the moment. i'll remember eventually.

Sunday, April 29, 2007

saturday night

my friend bryce's view at dinner

my view at dinner

us after some crazy good food

Thursday, April 26, 2007

where i'm going (i hope)

i wrote out some goals for myself today. i feel like having them physically written out will help me focus on them. i'd like to be all around better. healthier, happier, more relaxed. so here they are. maybe there's one in there that'll be a starting point for you. or maybe you've got a suggestion.

  • drink 1 fruit juice, 1 V8, and 2 bottles of water
  • eat breakfast
  • do yoga/pilates
  • write a travel journal entry
  • do readings/other work for uni
  • tell someone you love them!

  • take at least 20 photographs
  • write a song or poem
  • update blog at least 3-4 times
  • talk on skype(phone) with 2-3 people (from somewhere other than school when i get back to nyu)
  • write to mom/don, dad/sandy, and elise(call them when back in the states)

  • get a part-time job when i return to nyu (tutoring? guitar? bartender?)
  • graduate with a GPA no lower than 3.25, but aim for 3.50-3.75
  • spend more time with family- go see marybeth in dc or john in iowa city, or a weekend in chicago or the farm
  • don't flake out on friends just because you don't feel like going out
  • don't flake on work just because you want to chill
  • be patient.
  • don't sweat the small stuff... unless the details matter
  • don't be afraid of anything.
  • see the good things in life.
  • work to change the not-so-good things.
  • make the best decision possible.
  • speak your heart and mind.
  • be brave.
  • think. feel. breathe.

one of those 'artsy' types

i've just come back from my art tutorial and i'm pretty excited because i pretty much rocked it. i still don't know how i did on my paper even though my ta said it was good, but today in class i made a really good point that he hadn't even thought of. it make me really happy because this is the class i was most worried about sounding stupid in. but i don't. so that's good.

we've been talking about gothic architecture and it's totally made me not only want to go to europe to see it all but to go back to st john the divine when i get back to the city i have such good memories of the day camp there. who wouldn't want to look at this every day?

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

gauci, molina, and schuster

mike took chris and i out for dinner last night in a nice suburb of sydney. we of course looked fabulous, had a great conversation, and were wonderfully behaved... until the ride home.

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Friday, April 20, 2007

alexis schuster and the incapacitating headache

today i had a massive headache. i went to class and took a nap. that's about it.

i did take some pictures though- a few self portraits and some ones of campus... i'm pretty sure i go to hogwarts.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

weird wednesday

i kind of had a fight with liam today. fun times(sarcasm). it's going to keep happening until we talk about things. we probably won't. i try to bring it up and air it out but he's not interested. if i repress any more i might get a brain tumor like lois in that episode of family guy.

on the upshot i'm enjoying everything else- classes are good, i actually got to read my book today, my new camera is keeping me sane, i'm writing poetry. mike and i are getting closer which is nice. i talked to john today and he said he misses me and he's definitely visiting me in nyc this fall. awesome. i love john.

i'd write something more interesting but the few days have been pretty emotionally exhausting and to be honest i'm at one of those rare points where i can't even really think of a good sentence, let alone something funny or clever. i'm trying, but sometimes that only gets you so far. guess i need to read more. that's funny because i read 55 pages for art today. maybe i need to read something different. maybe i need to just...be.

Monday, April 16, 2007

the good parts

i talked with brett on skype today. it made me happy. i miss him.

i got my new camera today. i'm ecstatic.

i saw a door in the floor. very good. rent it.

i treated myself to gelato because i turned in my first paper here.

i had a good conversation with chris and bryce.

i talked to elise. i miss her too.

i made new playlists with old music.

it's been good.

the weekend

friday night chris and i went to the panthers vs. eels rugby game with gore, belinda, liam, jeff, and bailey. we had a total blast- gore and i were the only ones going for the eels, so we cheered when they won while everyone else complained.

saturday night we went to liss' 21st, which was at once awesome and awful. i was lara croft, and chris was catherine zeta-jones in zorro(the theme was hollywood.) liss looked gorgeous, rightly so, and almost the whole group was there, so it was really fun. there was major drama with liam which resulted in me deciding not to talk to him anymore, which is a shame, but frankly i've given him too many chances already and he's wasted every one, so it's his own fault.

yesterday i spent all day studying and watching family guy, and today i handed in my first paper here, which felt pretty good, and also talked to elise. so it's been kind of rollercoaster-y the last few days, but i don't really expect anything different these days.

Thursday, April 12, 2007


today chris and i spent the afternoon at manly, a really cute little suburb across the harbor. we took a ferry over and walked through the main part of town, which is basically just this gigantic pedestrian walkway with a bunch of surf shops and souvenir places. chris found a necklace with a gorgeous fish pendant, but i was kind of disappointed because i kept trying things and trying things and nothing fit or was too expensive.

when we got to the end of the street we cross and went to look at the beach. it's really touristy and full of surfers- even at like 3:45 there were a ton of people there. but it's a nice beach, and it was cool to see it busy rather than how completely dead it was when liam and i visited last june.

we walked back up the other side of the street, and i finally found a store that had a great sale on. i got a few tops, and a studded black belt to complete my lara croft: tomb raider costume for liss' 21st on saturday. at the next shop i found an awesome pair of boardies(board shorts, surf shorts, whatever you want to call them), and chris was cracking me up trying on a million swimsuits.

we got back on the ferry and then the bus home, and now it's time to read 5 chapters of my mythology book and edit my art paper. awesome.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007


today i wrote a kick ass art analysis. i'm very happy. i didn't think i could do it.

brett put his wall back up and i was first to write on it, at his request. but even if he wouldn't have asked, i still would have been first.

i'm still kind of homesick. that's ok.

i had really good pad thai.

i went for gelato, which i haven't had since friday.

i listened to john mayer's album continuum again, and was happy about the fact that it's one of those rare albums where you never have to skip tracks. i realized that it's one of the only albums that matches my many moods and feelings. it's kind of like being known. i like that.

life keeps moving, and i'm happy to move along.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

blue mountains

chris and i went with liam and mike and his girlfriend belinda to the blue mountains yesterday. it was awesome! liam and mike got audio guides and were relaying us with the information, and doing all sorts of goofy stuff.

i really enjoy spending time with mike- he's so funny, and one of the sweetest, most genuine people i know. and belinda is a total sweetheart as well. i'm going to miss them a lot when i leave.

today i talked to mom for like and hour and a half on skype, and it was so good to hear her voice. she told me all about what's going on at home and i told her about my classes and my trip to murramarang.

and now i have to write a paper. yes.

Wednesday, April 4, 2007

wednesday again

i talked to krystle on skype today. also dad and sandy. it made me so so happy.

and i did a 50 page reading for art. awesome.

Tuesday, April 3, 2007


what an amazing weekend.

friday morning i got up at 6:15 to catch the bus for the brockport trip at 7. chris, josh, dan, kat, her mom and i were waiting in the suv courtyard when we saw carol and skye waving at us, and went to meet them. we had a 5 hour bus ride down with the macquarie kids, and it was good to see them all again. most of them slept the whole way down, but i listened to my ipod and tried to just enjoy the ride.

we got to our cabins at murramarang, and saw kangaroos literally on the doorsteps. we got settled in, and then chris and i went down to the beach. eventually the sun started to set and we got cold, so we came back inside and watched tv. i made pasta for everyone in the cabin, and we ate it while we watched message in a bottle. at 8 we went to carol and skye's cabin to see uncle max, and he spoke to us about the land and our identities and being in touch with the world. he said:

never loose your identity. otherwise you become like a stick thrown into the ocean: you're just going with the flow. but i believe you mob are stronger than that. so don't lose your identity, where you come from.

that hit me, when he said it. even though i believe that people can and should try to change and grow, i agree that you should keep your identity- whether that is family, your values, your friends, your passions. i'm trying to do that, to find some sense of grounding.

uncle max took us down to the beach and told us about how when he was little, he was given the honor of pulling up the first fish caught of the day at that very beach. he asked us to at some point, stand with our feet planted in the sand at the edge of the surf, close our eyes, and just feel. he said:

for you to feel anything, to experience anything, stand with your feet in the sand and let the waves wash over them. close your eyes. and then, you will start to feel.

saturday morning we got up and met uncle max on the cliffs between beaches. he told us how his people would come to eat the fish there, and how the shells closest to the surface would tell them what had been eaten last, and so they would not eat them. he spoke a lot about being in touch with that land, looking at nature for signs instead of just doing whatever you wanted. about keeping balance.

we hoped on the bus for a ride up to gulaga mountain. when we got there, we started the hike up to the saddle, where there are a lot of sacred aboriginal sites. let's just say that it was at least a 45 degree grade all the way up, and it was two hours with a few short breaks to rest and drink some water. i haven't done anything that strenuous in a long time, and i felt really good when i reached the top. we all ate lunch, and then uncle max put ocher above each eye, in the center of our foreheads, and on our chins, he said:

these fellas are to open your mind
this fella here is to open your eyes, so that you may hear what i teach you
this fella is for silence, for respect to those gone before us

after that his grandson gave us each a red string to tie around our foreheads. uncle max then had us each pluck a leaf from a tree, smell it, bend it and smell it again, then crush it and smell it a third time. each time the smell got more potent, and he told us that the more potent the smell, the stronger the healing.

he took us into the sacred sites, first to two rocks that symbolize a man and a woman. he told us the creation story of his people, and then asked us to each place a hand on the female rock. he asked us each to think of things in turn- an unborn child, a sick family member, an animal- and then asked the wind spirit to take our healing. he said afterwards that he felt something strong, that he would tell us about it later.

we next went to the rock that symbolizes a pregnant woman, and then to one that was a child. all along the way he told us many things about what he’s learned in life, about respecting the earth and learning from it. we next went to the teaching rock, and climbed up on it. uncle max asked us each about how we felt the energy from the rock, and what animal we thought of. It turned out that 7 people thought of dogs, and he’s never seen anything like that. He spoke to us about totems, how he has a personal one, and family one, and a tribal one, and then he also told us about how the government treats his people.

we hiked down from the teaching rock and uncle max thanked us for coming with him and being respectful. uncle max told us how when we was 7, he told his grandpa he’d had a bad day and his grandpa said sit down, I’m going to tell you a story you’ll never forget. Uncle max said he sat down and looked up at his grandpa, and his grandpa said. there are sunny days, cold days, frosty days, snowy days, rainy days… there is no such thing as a bad day. That really stuck with me, and I’m going to try to remember to say that to myself when I feel like I’m going through something I can’t handle or I feel like everything is going wrong. we took a ton of pictures and hiked back out. when we got back out we had a snack and talked to uncle max for a bit, and i asked him what he thought the greatest thing he had learned in his life was. he said it was probably learning to communicate in silence. He told me that he learned that by spending 10 days not talking with his teachers up in the same spot where we were.

we soon left to hike down the mountain, and it was soo much better going down than up. we got back on the bus and i talked with Andrew, one of the guys on the trip, for a while, and then tried to snooze. i could feel my legs already getting sore, and when i tried to uncurl from my seat when we got back it was painful.

we went down to the pool for a barbie. i served uncle max- he is always served first as a sign of respect- then got my food, and sat down to eat. we all sat around talking about the experiences we've had so far, and then Chris was getting tired, so I took a picture of her and uncle max and we walked back to our cabin.

on sunday chris and i got up and watched the sunrise together on the beach. it was great, just the two of us, totally beautiful and we were just having a quiet conversation and some tea. we went back to sleep for a while, then got up and spent the rest of the day on the beach. perfect.

we all took pictures with the kangaroos before we left, and then headed out for the 5 hour bus ride. i snoozed and listened to music, and before i knew it, we were home. i was exhausted, so i went to bed.

this weekend totally recharged me. i've been feeling kind of weird, like i'm not really living life, like i'm just letting it pass me by. like i don't have control over what happens to me. but hearing uncle max's teachings and then getting to spend time in such a beautiful and peaceful place restored my spirit, some. it's nice to know that it's still there.

Thursday, March 29, 2007


and this from post secrets:

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

a simple day

today on my break between classes, i decided not to go home. normally i walk back to suv for my breaks, but it was so nice out today that i decided to walk down to queen victoria park and just listen to music and have some me time.

i need to do that more often.

it was so nice to just sit by myself in the sun, listening to songs i like and ignoring the rest of the world. i wrote a bit; mostly i daydreamed. i just enjoyed.

maybe it's not about constantly feeling at peace; maybe it's enough to recognize the little moments when you have them, and to revel in them.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

vicarious living

i spoke to danielle today on skype. she's had a hard week and it was so good be able to talk to her voice to voice. i so wanted to be at home this week for her, to be able to support her and distract her and be there for her. it's kind of killing me that all these things are happening in the lives of people i love, and that i'm not there to help them through it or to celebrate with them.

don't get me wrong, i love it here. i don't feel rushed like i do in the city, there's always something new to explore, i get to walk to class in sunlight and on tree-lit paths. there's not cement and concrete everywhere i look. but i miss home. i miss what makes home home. in janesville it's driving my truck and grooving to music, not caring what the other drivers think; eating at the diner; cracking up with the girls at a movie or over stupid stories. at camp it's the whole experience, that indescribable something. at school it's megan and andrew and the city itself, the hit of my feet on the sidewalk in time to whatever song is on my ipod. the swaying of a subway car.

i talked to jonah today as well, which was nice, and krystle also. i haven't spoken to andrew for a few days. i miss him.

i keep hearing about all of these good or bad or funny or strange things happening in my friends' lives. it makes me realize just how far from home i am, and how much i love being there for the people in my life, whether i'm entertaining them, listening, giving advice, or just someone to spend time with. i miss being there.

i miss them being there, too.

lying in my bed, i hear the clock tick
and think of you
turning in circles
confusion is nothing new
flashback to warm nights
almost left behind
a suitcase of memories

if you're lost, you can look and you will find me
time after time
if you fall i will catch you, i'll be waiting
time after time

time after time - cyndi lauper

Monday, March 26, 2007

week end, week beginning

it's been a good weekend. the boys had cricket finals this week, so chris and i got up on saturday and went to watch them. they were fielding, which kind of sucked because it means that they're all on the field and we're just sitting there watching for 5 hours. but they played really well and got some good outs. and also gammo and liss were there for a bit, and trish, and chris and i went to maccas(mcdonalds) with macca. so it was good, we got to see everyone.

when i got home i went with bryce and harry to see scoop, the new woody allen movie. it was hilarious! i've never actually sat through a woody allen movie so i don't really know if this was like his other ones, but i was cracking up the whole time. i loved it. now i have to go rent his movies because it's possible that he'll become one of my favorites. i taught bryce and harry about popcorn and m&ms, and they both tried it and liked it. so i feel proud that i brought something new to australia.

yesterday chris and i went to about a million bookshops looking for copies of the shakespeare plays that i still need. we only found one of the three and ended up going to about 7 or 8 in all. frustrating. but we got gelato, which makes everything better. she and bryce came over to study, and harry popped in to see us on his study breaks. i like studying with people. most people that think you don't get as much done that way, but i find that when other people are working around me i feel more guilty about setting my books aside to surf the net or go mess around. gore texted me while we were studying and told me that the boys had won cricket. i was so proud!

today i've been doing laundry and just hanging out, getting ready for another week of school. things go so fast here, i can't believe it's already week 4 of classes. i'll be home before i know it.

Friday, March 23, 2007

what a way to end the week

i'm officially in love with my shakespeare tutorial. my t.a. is ok, but what really makes it for me is what happens in the tute:

we walk in and move the desks to the side so that we can sit in a circle. the student directors for that week get their actors and spend the next half hour running the scene in front of all of us, interrupting with direction or dramaturgy. the actors then run the scene completely and we get to see what changes the direction has brought to the scene and how we view it, how it makes us feel. afterwards the group discusses ideas that we had or things that were interesting, or the way the direction affects the scene for us as an audience.

i haven't acted or directed yet, but i am chomping at the bit.

it brought back my years at janesville, getting up to go to rehearsal at 7 am and being there all day on saturdays or sundays. it made me think of working with jason on the tempest, and now that i can see what it's like and how many different ideas for staging and gesture and tone of voice pop into your head, i have a totally new respect for what a good director he is. it's hard and exhilarating and fulfilling and thought-provoking... i could go on and on, my mind is racing with ideas.

it is the perfect way to end the week.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

anthropology of an american girl

andrew once asked me, 'why don't you write a book?' at the time i told him it was because i enjoy writing poetry and songs more, and that i wasn't really interested. but i've been thinking about the idea, toying with it, imagining what my story line would be. and today i realized something.

the reason i don't want to write a book is not that i don't think i can or that i prefer writing in other ways. the reason is that the book i would write has already been written.

when elise first gave me anthopology of an american girl, i was intrigued, but not enough to read it right away. i didn't get around to it until about 6 months later, and when i finally opened it i kicked myself for waiting so long.

this book, this story, this painting of language- this book tells the story of my life; the way i've lived it, what is to come, what will never happen. the language alone was enough to make me fall in love with it, but the fact that i related to her, cling to her so closely makes it my absolute favorite book. i've never been able to say i had one before.

so i wanted to share with you some pieces- things that have stood out to me when reading the book after a big upheaval or simply a beautiful, memory-provoking sentence. the part of me that struggles for words is here, in this book, printed on paper and written better than i ever could.

sometimes a year is lavish and profuse, riotous as a gale. sometimes it goes breath by breath by breath, in tiny tiny sighs. minutes can be critical, decades without meaning or contour...

nothing is an easy thing to feel but a difficult thing to express.

boys will be boys, that's what people say. no one ever mentions how girls have to be something other than themselves altogether.

it's strange to realize you have sustained yourself on a memory of a person that has become untrue.

she believed in me as a woman separate from herself. she took pride in our friendship, which mad me feel worthy. i loved her with gratitude, though she did not ever expect or request thankfulness.

it's hard at any age to come to terms with the difference between the label you give yourself and the one others give you.

sometimes it's easier to give people the answer they expect than to explain what you really think or feel.

there was a lesson in that, in remembering to seek meaning where you least expect it.

then i nodded for no reason, the way people do, when they pull their lips slightly into their mouths and set aside the magnitude of their own very exceptional feelings.

it's hard to say what happened in those moments except to say that we stepped out equally, we confessed equally, we were rendered equally weak, and as weakened equals we met, victoriously, at some median of daring and possibility.

it was odd that we'd never spoken, but we understood each other. sometimes you work hard to understand someone, sometimes you don't work hard at all.

it was nice that he looked for me there, no one had ever looked for me there.

i didn't know how to resolve the difference between wanting something you cannot have and having something you cannon want, and i resented that it was my time to learn it.

love as a word is weedy and imprecise unless you feel it, and then it is the only possible word.

i didn't answer. i just pressed my palms into my eyes. maybe if i pressed hard i could erase myself.

i wondered was i still me when i did not feel like me? was i still the girl my mother bore, the girl jack loved?

i hoped it was still june. i believed that it was. in june, all of summer remains.

i knew i was seeing not what he chose to show, but what he chose not to conceal, which was different.

sometimes your constitution is strong despite yourself.

women talk as a way of addressing the baffling sea at their feet. they talk to name, and in naming, make real. they talk to reclaim the selfhood they've lost.

nothing is more sacred than youth or more hopeful than turning yourself over to one person and saying, i have this time, it is not a long time, but it is my best time and my best gift, and i give it to you. when i revisit my youth, i revisit you.

if my relationship with her were any less difficult- if she did not challenge me, did not test me, if she accepted me too easily, at face value, then she would not be a friend, but an acquaintance. if i could not be fully honest with her, i would be no more than a partial self, a concealed self, and my unrevealed remainder- my fears, my aspirations- would rise up in new ways to subvert me.

it was nice, him knowing i needed a little more.


today was... tuesday. i don't really know how to describe it. you know how sometimes a day just feels like what day it is? like how mondays can just be absolutely horrid because you know you still have four days of work left, but that fridays are glorious because you have two days ahead of you to do whatever you want. today felt like a tuesday. which is good because it was.

i went to my mythology tutorial this morning, which i have to say is sub-stellar. it's good, but there's been a whole fiasco with the book shop and they don't have enough copies for us so only half the class has them, so there are no real discussions yet. a good thing that i discovered though is that my mythology class and my greek history class are overlapping nicely right now in terms of subject matter, so i can make quicker and better connections.

christiana and i went with harry and tom and ben to bryce's tonight to eat dinner and watch v for vendetta which i had forgotten that i was totally in love with. it's a strange film- so many parts of it seem familiar from other films or other plots but somehow it all combines to make something different. we also watched family guy and i got to laugh my ass off for about 2 hours straight, which made me very happy.

i got a long email from dani today and it pulled at my heart- i miss everyone so much and i feel guilty that my day just flies by here and i don't really remember that i miss people until someone says something that reminds me of home or i talk to someone, though that has a way of happening every day. i actually got reminded of home a lot today- i talked to brett and julian, elise for a little bit, got an email from mom... i love it here but i also know that i'm going to love coming home, too.

i wonder what kind of wednesday tomorrow will be.

Monday, March 19, 2007

winston hills

yesterday chris and i went to watch the boys play in the cricket semi-finals for their league. we watched them score double the runs they had yesterday in a third of the time, and then watched them field with almost no errors to win the game and go on to the finals. we had dinner(perhaps the most amazing burger ever except for the diner) with the team and the girlfriends at a pub in winston hills, and then came home and watched the dane cook dvd. he is ridiculously funny, he might be my new favorite comedian.

chris and i popped up to bed in the spare room at liam's since the buses had stopped running at 6 pm, and fell asleep. liam woke us up at 7:30 this morning to catch the bus back into the city. i had planned on going back to sleep since it's my day off, but no dice. bryce is going to come over and we're going to study since he hasn't done any of his work for this week and i'm trying to get ahead because i have a ton next week. thank god he's bringing coffee.

Saturday, March 17, 2007

life is wonderful

bondi beach

it takes a thought to make a word
it takes some words to make an action
it takes some work to make it work
it takes some good to make it hurt
it takes some bad for satisfaction

life is wonderful
life goes full circle
life is wonderful

it takes the night to make it dawn
it takes a day to make you yawn, brother
it takes some old to make you young
it takes some cold to know the sun
it takes the one to have the other

and it takes no time to fall in love
but it takes you years to know what love is
it takes some fears to make you trust
it takes some tears to make it rust
it takes the dust to have it polished

life is wonderful
life goes full circle
life is wonderful
‘life is wonderful’ – jason mraz

shakespeare and rugby league

yesterday was a good day. not only did i have art history, but i also had shakespeare and my shakespeare tutorial, which is going to be great. we take turns directing key scenes in the plays, and the girl i'm going to be directing with in a couple of weeks is really great. it's the perfect way to end the school week.

liam came into the city to take chris and i out to watch the opening games of the rugby league season. we went to marly bar, which is right up the road, and sat watching and talking. with about 20 minutes left in the game, harry joined us and hung out for a bit. he and chris got fries, and tried to eat them while liam and kept stealing some every few seconds.

harry went home early, and soon after i did, too. i wasn't feeling well so i went to bed. and that is that.

Thursday, March 15, 2007


met by a lake near the sun
you mouth and eyes, arms
and legs, melted as though
we'd known each other well
and needed only to rekindle
warmth of the familiar.
as if patience were rewarded
and now we'd share everything

stones - viggo mortensen

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

poems and people

i had a really great talk with brett on monday night. we talked about how things are going with he and bailey, how things are here, each other, ourselves. we over analyzed and second-guessed, cracked jokes and missed each other sorely.

brett and i figured out early on in our friendship that we're pretty much the same person. brett's intensity is a little more apparent than mine, but we think similarly, and are both extremely creative and introspective. we both shamelessly love country music. we both have accents. we've became much closer much quicker than most of my friendships. he's one of the most caring, thoughtful, and aware people that i know, and i'm hoping that'll rub off on me. i also just like him.

yesterday i was messing around during my break between classes and decided to read some of pablo neruda's poetry, since mary beth posts a lot of it and i've really like what i've read. i googled him and found a couple sites with his poems on them, and started reading.

i fell in love.

he has this way of writing that makes you know what he was feeling as he wrote it, that makes you find that part of yourself and love it. maybe i'm just weird and that's my inner romantic poet talking, but that's how i felt. some of his poetry describes exactly what i'm going through right now- not only having tons of new experiences, but actually getting to know myself again. it's been a long time since it was just me, and it's scary, but exhilarating. i'm discovering and relearning all sorts of things about myself- it was only a few years ago that i would sit utterly absorbed in a book of dylan thomas poems or reading walt whitman on the web. yet somehow i had forgotten that, forgotten that poetry brings me peace, takes me to this other place just like music and the ocean do.

once i had read all the neruda i could find, i added his books to my amazon.com wishlist and immediately remembered that i loved viggo mortensen's poetry, as well. not only is he an accomplished actor, but he owns his own publishing house and puts out books of poetry, his amazing photographs, and albums of spoken word and music. his paintings are also incredible. i reread some of his poems and added a lot of his photos to my library and screensaver.

christiana, harry, and i went to bryce's for a barbie, and watched the departed. it is nothing short of amazing. i only had a kind of mild, curious interest about it, but from the first 30 seconds i was hooked: leaning forward from my seat on the couch, gasping, exclaiming, physically reacting to what happened on screen. rent it. you'll understand why this was the film that finally earned scorsese an oscar.

today was manning day. chris and i met liam there and hung out with him for a couple of hours, which i think will become a tradition. he doesn't have any of his friends in his courses, so it's good to be able to see him and for him to not feel totally alone on campus. i went to class after and then came home to do laundry.

our last housemate, michael, moved in. very nice, australian. i haven't really done more than exchange pleasantries with him, but i think he'll be fun to live with. apparently our apartment is the one of aussie guys and american girls.

i'm having thai with cyrus tonight. he's an interesting person, very hard to figure out. he's one of those people that you hesitate to call a friend because you know he's holding back. but maybe he'll finally open up a little bit since we're not 'out' like we usually are when i see him.

so it's been good. i'm reading poetry again. and i love that.

la selva (the jungle) by viggo mortensen

Sunday, March 11, 2007

it's nice to know

mike: anyways
mike: i miss u
me: i miss you too
mike: like this much
me: how much is this much?
mike: from here: { to here:}
me: awww
mike: BUT
mike: going in the opposite direction
mike: around the universe



tonight was liam's birthday party/get together/thing. it was great. we went to the lowenbrau which is this german bar in the rocks, sydney's historical district. everyone was there: gore, donny, tim gore, jeff, bec, gammo, scottish dave, sandra... liss wasn't there which made me sad, and neither was macca 'cause he's playing footy this weekend.

i had a great time just talking with everyone. i keep realizing how much i love this group of people- gore is just genuine and so funny; i felt a physical pain when he left tonight. donny is funny as well but very much the protector. he's like a mother lion defending her cubs, always making sure that everyone's ok and then cracking them up while he's at it. i realized tonight that i'm going to be so sad to leave all of these amazing people who have let me into their lives and been willing to become a part of mine.

i am very very tired because it's very very late. but i'm very very happy. despite the fact that my feet hurt imensely from my heels, i'm extremely glad that i get to spend the next 3 months here, with these people whom i have come to really care for.

every day has downs, but every day has ups, too. and this was a very good one.

Saturday, March 10, 2007

32 flavors

squint your eyes and look closer
i'm not between you and your ambition
i am a poster girl with no poster
i am thirty-two flavors and then some
and i'm beyond your peripheral vision
so you might want to turn your head
cause someday you're going to get hungry
and eat most of the words you just said

both my parents taught me about good will
and i have done well by their names
just the kindness i've lavished on strangers
is more than i can explain
still theres many who've turned out their porch lights
just so i would think they were not home
and hid in the dark of their windows
til i passed and left them alone

god help you if you are an ugly girl
course too pretty is also your doom
cause everyone harbors a secret hatred
for the prettiest girl in the room
god help you if you are a pheonix
and you dare to rise up from the ash
a thousand eyes will smolder with jealousy
while you are just flying back

i'm not trying to give my life meaning
by demeaning you
and i would like to state for the record
i did everything that i could do
im not saying that im a saint
i just don't want to live that way
no, i will never be a saint
but i will always say

squint your eyes and look closer
i'm not between you and your ambition
i am a poster girl with no poster
i am thirty-two flavors and then some
and i'm beyond your peripheral vision
so you might want to turn your head
cause someday you might find you are starving
and eating all of the words you said
'32 flavors' - ani difranco


i bought the world's biggest textbook.

i added to my shakespeare collection.

i bought a webcam so i can see people on skype.

i walked what seems like a million miles.

i opted to stay in. i should have gone out.

i marveled at how quickly life can change.

i realized that ignorance really can be bliss.

i wished you would just ask me.

i don't know what to think.

i ain't no wide-eyed rebel
oh but i ain't no preacher's son
now i see the trouble
in all the loving that i've done

and the world
ain't no harder than it's ever been
looking for love in the lies
of a lonely friend

and so much superstition
and so much worry in my heart
i need a new religion
it's time to make a brand new start

and the world
ain't no easier than it's ever been
looking for love in the lies
of a lonely friend

'love in the lies' - amos lee

Thursday, March 8, 2007

myths, painters, columns and a bard

i've officially had all four of my classes. i think i'm in love.

my greek history class promises to be a lot of material and hard, but i'm excited about it. i think it's going to give me a really good background in general, since i never really studied any antiquities in high school.

it's also going to tie in wonderfully with my classical mythology class, which will be interesting not only from a historical standpoint, but a literary one as well. i did some things with mythology in high school but never studied it in depth. the most experience i've had with it is becoming oddly obsessed with the odyssey in seventh grade, reading selected passages from the iliad in high school, and watching troy, which truthfully i was there to see because brad pitt and orlando bloom are in it.

my art history class will be really enlightening, i think. my professor is very cute and able to laugh at herself, which i love. i'm really excited to learn how to analyze forms of art that i don't work with. i can talk about a photograph or piece of music with a fair amount of knowledge since i've been studying those mediums for years, but set me in front of a painting and i'm(for the most part) reduced to "oh, that's pretty." i can't wait to go back to the met or the moma and see the paintings not only for their beauty, but to be able to look at them with some knowledge of their(or the style's or artist's) history and technique.

shakespeare. i've had an affair with shakespeare since sixth grade, when i first saw baz luhrman's romeo + juliet. granted, my desire to see that movie arose from a titanic-sized crush on leonardo dicaprio(pun intended), but i truly forgot about him and became wrapped up in the story within the first five minutes. since then, i(alone among most of my high school classmates) have reveled in any opportunity to read shakespeare- romeo and juliet, macbeth, hamlet- not to mention seeing othello, julius ceasar, a midsummer night's dream, comedy of errors, a winter's tale and hamlet live. add to that playing ariel in the tempest(not in shakespearean english, but whatever, still awesome), and i've had a lot of exposure. and now i get even more, and to actually truly learn about what i'm reading instead of floundering through it on my own. i think i'm in heaven.

i can't remember being this excited for a long time. this semester... it's perfect, i think. i've started doing yoga again, my relationships are finally getting sorted out, i'm in this amazing country and i get to learn about things that i'm so interested in it hardly seems like work. i think that this is what life is supposed to be. doing what you love and having people you love and who love you in return in your life.

not everything is perfect and it never will be, but i'm learning to appreciate my life at the moment i'm living it, not just after the fact.

love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind.
helena, a midsummer night's dream - william shakespeare

art, liam, and greeks

i had my first art history class yesterday. i think it's going to be really good- my professor is very cute and able to laugh at herself, and seems very knowledgeable, so i'm excited.

after class christiana and i met liam at manning bar to treat him to a birthday drink and have lunch. it was good for the most part, we had a lot of fun laughing and talking, and somehow we got started talking about music and liam taught chris all about 60's music. she said later that she'd been really impressed. that's actually a conversation that liam and i have had before- that he's so smart but that people just don't recognize it because he's silly and says some outrageous things.

i went to my greek history class and it was good- we were talking about homeric poetry and i really enjoyed it. hopefully all of the lecturers are as interesting as the one i had yesterday.

i called christiana when i got out of class and she was at hoochie mama's. when i arrived liam was sitting next to her(i thought he'd gone home), so the three of us sat around a bit and talked. we then went to marly bar and liam taught us how to play the 'pokies' which are kind of like slot machines. i didn't bet anything but it was funny to watch the two of them fight over what and when to bet.

i came home with a massive headache and spent the night dozing and making new playlists. i heard my computer beep about about 11:30, and saw that elise was on skype. i called her and it was awesome, i've missed talking to her so much!! i told her all of my crazy stories about being here, and she told me about how things are in new york.

and then, i went to sleep.

Wednesday, March 7, 2007

march 7

happy birthday, liam.

Tuesday, March 6, 2007

see you soon

i spoke to andrew last night, on skype.

i downloaded the new version so that i could see his video camera, and when the window appeared and i could see his face as he was speaking, i almost cried. it is so good to hear and see someone from home.

we talked about how it is for each of us- shanghai and sydney, respectively-, about things we've been doing, and reminiscing a little bit. mostly i spent the whole time grinning to myself and glad that i didn't have a video camera so he couldn't see how stupidly happy i was. i can't explain how good it is to talk to someone from home when i'm so far away. and to see them... amazing.

jonah put it pretty well yesterday when we were talking, which was also lovely. he said, 'i forget how much i miss you until i talk to you.' and he's right. i'm so used to being away from home that i forget that no matter where i am- school, camp, janesville- there are always people missing, always people i love that aren't there. i've gotten so settled in here and made myself at home, and i don't really remember that i'm on the other side of the world until i talk to someone. i miss everyone so much, though, that i guess that's the only way to deal with it and not be unhappy all the time. and i love the experiences i'm having here and the people i've met, so i want to keep enjoying it. i'm trying pretty hard not to think about how much i miss everyone and to just have fun, and i'm doing alright. seeing andrew on skype last night made me incredibly homesick for the people in my life, so i went to bed half happy and excited because i saw him, and half sad and mopey because i can't see anyone else.

but today is a new day, and i'm feeling better. i still missed everyone severely, but i will until the day i leave. and then i'll miss the people from here. but i'm used to missing people- so i can do this.

in a bulletproof vest, with the windows all closed
i'll be doing my best
i'll see you soon

'see you soon' - coldplay

Sunday, March 4, 2007

raining on sunday

there's a huge thunderstorm tonight. and i love it. the lightning is flashing and the thunder rumbling, and i feel like i'm back at camp on one of those days when the unbearable humidity of the last three weeks finally breaks and oceans come pouring from the sky.

looking out my window i can see the water pounding on the pavement and the trees, running down the windows of the building opposite me. the sky is a crazy grey-purple-red-brown color, except when the lightning cracks and it turns to pale pale periwinkle. there are people running through the walkway with sweatshirts over their heads, flip-flops flapping on the wet cement. the wind is coming through my window and cooling my room, a huge relief from the hot, hot, muggy day that was today.

it makes me think of days in the city- walking to class in a downpour i didn't know was coming and so i end up soaked by the time i get to the silver center; coming home with my jeans absolutely soaking and draping them in the shower with everyone else's rain-wet clothes. or looking out the window of 32M and dreading walking to the subway with no umbrella.

the rain makes me miss different people for different reasons. i miss leigh because we'd always come back to the bunk during an afternoon thunderstorm at camp. some of my best memories are running through the rain with her, and then laying around talking while our wet clothes sat out to dry on the top bunks of our cabin. i miss megan because her glasses would always be speckled with rain when she got home from class, her hair always slicked to one side and her nose sniffly; and the night we walked to the corner cafe on bleecker street with one umbrella to share, only to realize most of the way there that it was closed already. i miss sam- somehow it seems like we were always driving through thunderstorms at home together, the lightning illuminating the cornfields and the rain splattering on the windshield as we drove home from wherever we were. i miss mom and elise because we would always read together on rainy days. i miss dad and sandy because rainy days are quiet in 12D, and i loved watching it fall past the windows, awed that i saw it before the people on the floors below me. i miss andrew and his broken umbrella, seeing him arrive in class with soaking jeans; walking home together from lab last year and all but abandoning the umbrella on a street corner. i miss how it seemed like every time it rained this fall he would show up at seventh street to wait it out.

the rain has eased, and so have the thunder and lightning, but there are still drops running down windows and their impact is still visible in the small flashes of lightning every few minutes. i hope it's still raining when i go to sleep- it's one of the best sounds in the world.

can't you see that it's just raining
ain't no need to go outside...
but baby, you hardly even notice
when i try to show you, this
song is meant to keep you
from doing what you're s'posed to
like waking up too early
maybe we could sleep in
make you banana pancakes
pretend like it's the weekend now

and we could pretend it all the time
can't you see that it's just raining
ain't no need to go outside

banana pancakes - jack johnson

march 3

happy birthday, dad.

lazy saturday

i slept in late today. it was lovely.

chris and i rocked up to hoochie mamas, a cafe that's about 100 feet from my building. i had french toast. it made me happy.

i came home and did laundry finally- all of my clothes smell lovely because i dried them on the terrace instead of in a machine. i sat around and read my book for a while, and then bryce stopped by and had dinner with christiana and i.

mardis gras was on tonight, apparently the biggest in the world. chris wanted to see it, but i didn't. i told her i'd go, though, so we took the bus to circular quay. it turned out that the parade was on oxford street, which is another bus ride away. we stopped by opera bar for a drink and had a really good conversation like we usually seem to do. donny texted me and told me to come out to where he was just across the bridge, so we hopped in a cab.

when we arrived i was surprised to see some people that i knew besides donny- his sister anna was there, the boys' friend bec, and also their friend scottish dave, whose birthday it was. there were two guys playing guitar and singing and they were absolutely amazing. that alone made coming out worth it. we actually met them as we were leaving and they asked if we were coming back next week.

we went to scottish dave's for a bit to hang out with everyone, and then bronnie dropped us home. it's been a whirl-windy couple of weeks, but i'm excited for classes to start and to get into a routine. i've gotta have my down time!

Saturday, March 3, 2007

sun, sand, and sea

christiana and i went to the beach yesterday with our friend rob, who's a med student at the uni. it was gorgeous. i don't know how i'm going to go back to a place where i can't just take a bus to the beach whenever i want. it might might torture. wait, scratch that. it will be.

i thoroughly, thoroughly enjoyed lying on the beach and hearing with waves crash, feeling the sun beat down on my back and the breeze blowing off the water. there's just something about the beach. i don't know what it is, i just makes all of my thoughts and worries melt away until nothing is left but the absolute joy of being there. i guess that's what real relaxation is.

i got a long email from mom last night which was awesome. she said she'd been reading my blog(hi mom!), and told me all about what's been going on at home. it's weird- i never get homesick anymore because i'm so used to being away, but i miss everyone so much. i finally got my aim, skype, and messenger working, and i was so ecstatic when it worked that i messaged everyone that was on regardless of time difference. i've talked to a few people since, and i spoke to andrew a little bit ago, like, spoke, through skype, heard his voice, and it was soooooo nice to hear a familiar voice from home. i love it here, but it is so good to be able to talk to everyone from home again.

today's another gorgeous, but hot, day. and it's a very very good one.

Friday, March 2, 2007

lions and tigers and bears, oh my!

wednesday night i went with liam to his dad's house for dinner. we had pizza, which was actually really good, and just kind of hung out with brian(his dad) and attracta(his step-mom) for a while. we watched the manchester united soccer game(my favorite team.. yay christiano ronaldo!!) and it was sooo awesome to watch again. megan would make fun of me last semester because the only channel that had soccer was the spanish channel, so she could never understand what they were saying.

we ended up staying there because liam isn't allowed to drive if he's had any alcohol, and we had a couple of beers with dinner. so i went up to the guest room and he crashed on the couch. we woke up around 7:30 and came back to my place, and he slept while i got ready.

we headed to taronga zoo, and it was awesome! we saw everything, it was so great. the lions were spectacular, i could have stayed there all day watching them. eventually we left because we were both really tired, and he dropped me off at home. i discovered while putting my pictures on my computer though, that my camera is now completely busted. the display broke on the plane here, and it still took pictures, but halfway through the trip to the zoo it must have somehow stopped taking pictures. total bummer. now i have no idea what i'm going to do, i guess i have to go buy another one somewhere.

christiana and bryce came over, and harry and i hung out with them for a while and we all had dinner. then the four of us headed off with tom and another of their friends to manning bar, which is the student bar on campus. it was fun- we were all talking and laughing, and doing stupid moves on the dance floor. cyrus and topher showed up, and christiana and i both started laughing because we hadn't even told them we were going to be there. when i saw cyrus i turned to her and said 'i knew it was only a matter of time, he never misses a party'. we hung out with them for a bit, and danced, and then somehow i lost chris and she sent me a message saying she'd gone home. i headed home too, and hung out with bryce and harry for a bit before going to bed. first the zoo and then dancing- i can't keep up!

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

curve of the earth

andrew's in china. shanghai, to be specific. he got there last night. nice to know that he's closer to me. i miss him.

chris and i went out and played pool with harry and his friends bryce, ben, and jake. ben, harry and i were on a team, and at the end of the tie-breaker game i sank the two winning shots. i was excited.

it's funny how a new place can be so different but so the same. i'm in australia, this amazing country, but i spent my night playing pool and watching soccer in an irish pub on king street. i could have been anywhere. kinda crazy to think about.

but it's good to know that there are fundamentals to life. that people enjoy common things. andrew and i talk a lot about how it's simple things that make me happy, or small things. he says he doesn't understand how i can be so complicated but so easy to understand at the same time. but that's being human, don't you think?

Monday, February 26, 2007


today i learned that sometimes all it takes is the suggestion of what you thought you wanted to make you realize that you really want something else.

today i learned that life is always going to be complicated, and that an easy answer is a rarity.

today i learned that no matter what you do, things have a way of happening before you realize it.

today i learned that it's ok to be unsure.

today i learned that it's also ok to know what you want and to go for it.

today i learned that the best part about the unknown is that it's exactly that.

today, i found a little bit more peace.

Sunday, February 25, 2007

48 hours of meh

last night we went on a harbor cruise. despite how cool it sounds and how pretty it was, it actually sucked. we paid 60 bucks for tickets, the food was crappy, and there were like 400 loud obnoxious kids taking up all of the space. on the upshot, i got a good(considering my camera is pretty much busted since the display broke and now it can only take pictures and video without any of the functions like night flash or without being able to see it after) picture of the harbor at night.

today chris and i went to watch liam the the boys play cricket. boring game, but we sat with donny and had a lot of fun talking with him. after the game we went to see wiggles headquarters, where donny and liam work. it was awesome- we got see the costumes and where they do the filming and recording for their cds.

we drove home through a huge huge huge thunder and lightning storm, and hung out at liam's while we waited for it to pass. gore came to pick us up and we went into the city for their friend's party at some bar. not that great, i only knew liam's friends and it was loud and all i wanted to do was go home and sleep.

thank god i get to sleep in tomorrow.